In Ontario, when both spouses claim the other is abusive and file cross-applications for restraining orders, the family court must untangle the allegations. Applying for a restraining order in Family Court is free ($0 CAD), but fighting mutual claims usually requires an experienced family lawyer.
When a relationship ends in severe conflict, it is not uncommon for the legal system to become a battlefield. 📍 A very challenging scenario arises when you file a restraining order to protect yourself, and your abusive ex immediately files a restraining order against you in retaliation. This is known as a cross-application or mutual restraining order request.
Abusers frequently use this tactic, often referred to in psychology as DARVO (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender), to confuse the judge and make the abuse seem like “mutual toxic behavior.” Ontario judges are trained to look closely at these situations to identify the primary aggressor. Because your safety and your future parenting time are at immense risk, it is highly recommended to consult a local family lawyer from our directory to help present your evidence clearly.
Step-by-Step Process in Ontario
Whether you are dealing with the Family Court in Brampton, Toronto, or Kitchener, the process of handling cross-applications requires the judge to sift through conflicting evidence. 📄 Here is how mutual allegations of domestic violence are typically handled.
Step 1: Filing the Initial Application
If you are in fear for your safety, you begin by filing an Application at the family courthouse, asking for a restraining order under the Family Law Act. You will submit a sworn affidavit detailing the specific dates, times, and nature of the physical or emotional abuse you have suffered.
Step 2: The Counter-Application (Cross-Motion)
Once served, the abusive ex will file their Answer, but they will also file their own claim against you. 👤 In their affidavit, they will likely deny your claims and invent or exaggerate incidents to paint you as the actual aggressor, formally asking the judge to restrain you from contacting them.
Step 3: Gathering Objective Third-Party Evidence
Because it becomes a “he-said, she-said” scenario, objective evidence is critical. Your lawyer will gather police reports, 911 audio recordings, medical records from hospital visits, photos of injuries, and text messages. Independent evidence cuts through the abuser’s lies and helps the judge see the true dynamic of coercive control.
Step 4: The Evidentiary Hearing
The judge will not simply grant mutual restraining orders just to be “fair.” Instead, a hearing will be held where both parties may be cross-examined on their affidavits. The judge’s goal is to determine credibility and identify who is legitimately in need of protection.
Step 5: Issuance of the Final Order
After reviewing the facts, the judge will make a ruling. 🔒 They may dismiss the abuser’s fake claim and grant a unilateral restraining order protecting you. In rare cases where both parties have genuinely engaged in violence, the judge might issue a mutual restraining order, legally barring both of you from coming near each other.
How Much Does it Cost in Ontario?
Safety is a priority in Canada, so the court fees for protection are waived, but legal representation is a necessary investment. Here are the expected costs in CAD:
| Service Needed | Estimated Cost (CAD) |
|---|---|
| Family Court Filing Fee (Restraining Order) | $0 CAD (Free in Ontario) |
| Process Server (to serve the ex) | $100 – $300 CAD |
| Family Lawyer Representation | $350 – $750 per hour |
| Obtaining Police Reports / Medical Records | $50 – $150 CAD |
If you cannot afford a lawyer, Legal Aid Ontario provides free duty counsel at most courthouses to help victims of domestic violence draft their initial emergency applications.
How Long Does the Process Take?
If you are in immediate, urgent danger, an ex parte (emergency) restraining order can be granted by a judge within 24 to 48 hours without the abuser being present. ⏱ However, a final hearing to address the abuser’s cross-application and settle the matter permanently will typically take 3 to 6 months to be scheduled.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
What happens if we have a mutual restraining order and run into each other?
If a mutual restraining order is in place and you accidentally run into each other at a grocery store, both parties must immediately and peacefully leave the area. If one party refuses to leave, they are in breach of the order and can be arrested.
Are Family Court restraining orders the same as Peace Bonds?
No. A restraining order is a civil order made in Family Court. A Peace Bond (Section 810) is issued in Criminal Court. You can actually apply for both simultaneously if the abuse is severe.
Can a restraining order affect who gets the house?
Yes. If a judge grants you a restraining order, they can also grant you an “exclusive possession order” for the matrimonial home. This legally forces the abusive ex to move out immediately, regardless of whose name is on the mortgage.
How does a restraining order work if we share children?
The judge will include specific exceptions in the restraining order for parenting time. This usually involves safe, third-party drop-offs or communication exclusively through a monitored parenting app to ensure you do not have direct contact.
Will the police arrest them if they breach the family court order?
Yes. Under the Criminal Code of Canada, breaching a Family Court restraining order is a criminal offence. If your ex violates the terms, you should call 911 immediately, and the police have the authority to arrest them.
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